Lots of wrapping, wrapping and more wrapping

This is a tough post to post. I feel stuck in limbo of what I want to be able to say and what I need to say. People have been asking how our Christmas was and I honestly don't like the answer that I truly feel. Christmas, this year, was not something for me to celebrate in the traditional sense. I think 2008 has just kind of come crashing down on me and my shoulders are getting weak. Mrs. Claus wrapped all the Christmas presents from the "Shop-with-a-Cop" and other gift givings, by herself, while daddy was on yet another assignment. Saturday before the big day my brother Adam came down on the bus from Provo and together we drove the sleigh through the snowy hills of Las Vegas and entered the green hills of California. It was a great drive and I really enjoyed the time I got to spend with my brother, as I always do. (Even if Aaron did accuse "Unk'e Adam" of being "eww poopy!" That's what he gets for telling Aaron his toots smell.) It was relaxing to drive with someone who didn't have a schedule. We were able to stop every couple of exits so Aaron could throughly mark his territory. (Man can that kid PEE!) Bill was able to fly in to Redding (thanks to gov't air miles) early on Christmas Eve day to join us for the festivities.

         It was thrilling to come through the trees out at my dad's and see the house lit up as if it were on fire. Dad always does such a spectacular job on the lights and this year added another lawn blow up. So now (in mine and my sister-in-law's minds) a slightly sacrilegious creche blow up (that was put to life last year) flanks one side of the footpath, while a Santa riding a John-Deere tractor waves from the other side. Dad, you always know how to make the kids smile. Inside was Christmas decorations and goodies galore, awesome job Gee! Angie has definitely taken Mom's knack and love for baking to a whole new level. It was good to be "home" with everyone, but... I think there will always be the but. Things just aren't the same. No one ever talks about it. It's the unsaid that hurts the most. Dad was a bit withdrawn, understandably so, and the rest of us just kind of did our thing. We chatted one with another and enjoyed eachother's company very much, but...we all miss Mom. That's just it. I wonder if it ever will be like Christmas again, or camping, or birthdays, or Valentine's, or any other day that Mom always made feel so special and SO GREAT!

   So this is where I'm at. I'm wrapping up the year and thinking of all the things that my whole family has been through in a little more than a year. Bill took me and the kids to my mom's gravesite before we drove back home the Saturday after Christmas. It was the first time I had been back since the funeral on Dec. 21, 2007. It was a dreary day, it seemed fitting to how it should be at a cemetery. My sister had told me that Mom's headstone was the middle of the last row. Well, time goes on and other families have heartache as well. There was another row of headstones beyond my mom's. It made me wonder how recent their passing was, I could still see where the grass had been cut. Then I came to my mom's. "Christine Cherie Claycamp 1949-2007" I could still see where the grass had been dug up for her too. That hurt. We try our best to live life to the fullest. Fill our time with greatness, love and laughter. A lot happens in a year and the past seems so distant, until you are faced with Mother Nature's timing, reality.

    And now here I sit in our apartment, on the last night I will ever sit here, and I'm wrapping up all our belongings. As I do this I come across things I wrapped not quite a year ago when we moved to Las Vegas. I see my mom's program for her funeral. I see the pictures that were so beautifully displayed in the layout. A family that is so eternally beautiful, but...one short on the home-front.

    I embrace the coming of this new year like no other. I yearn so badly for Job's lot to be cast aside for a season. I look forward to peace, love and JOY! We've definitely had our moments of JOY this year, and I pray that those moments will bathe us and all of our loved ones with all their splendor in 2009!