Tonight as I was tucking Olivia in to bed she asked what we're doing tomorrow. I gently reminder her that she had a chemo appointment tomorrow. She resolutely started to argue that I had told her that I was the one with the appointment. That I had said, during our family council that, "Olivia, 'I' have a doctor's appointment tomorrow." Her lip started to quiver as she stressed this mis-speak over and over again. I could see her sweet little mind trying to explain the appointment away out of existence. It broke my heart and I could no longer hold it together. We both started to cry. She insisted on how unfair life is that she has cancer and nobody else knows what she's going through. I just cried harder and said that she's right. "I don't have a clue what you're going through. You've gone through more in your 5 years than mommy will probably ever go through. But Granma knows what you're going through. She had tons of doctor appointments too." We spoke about it for some time as I held her in my arms and let her tears blend with mine and soak her pillow. It isn't fair that these kids have to go through so much. They know nothing beyond their small existence, the littlest thing is such a huge thing... how are they to deal with a huge thing like cancer? It's a BIG thing and Livi has handled it with such grace and love, patience and understanding. She has taught all of us so much.
She asked me to stay with her as she said her prayer tonight. I'm glad she did. She asked Heavenly Father to bless her family and those that are sick. She also asked for strength to be brave and to have Granma live on the earth again and never have to leave. Ugh, I miss my mom.
4 comments:
Oh Livi, I love you so much and yes it is not fair and you should not have to through this. But I do know that you have taught me a lot and our boys and we are so thankful and blessed to have you within our forever family. We love you and hope that you are happy! You are such a brave little girl!
Thanks for the nice cry, Rachel...seriously....you do it so often. We will remember to keep livi in our prayers, so that she will be brave and be so strong. She is so special! She's so lucky to have you for her mom!
This post made me want to cry. Olivia is such a sweet little girl and I can't imagine or believe that she has gone through so much in her short little life. She really is an inspiration.
Yes, made me cry too! Remind Livi how brave she is and how she's going to "kick cancers butt", which she is doing! We're almost there; hang on!
You are right Rachel; your mom is with you in spirit, every step of the way; she's right there with you! When you need a hug, just think of her and you'll feel better.
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